All About Mom

MomThis particular day is always a day of reflection for me as it was three years ago today that I lost my mom to lung cancer.  Her name was Sue and she was only 58 when she passed away.

With all of the exciting changes I have experienced in my life in the last two and a half years, it’s hard to not have her here with me to share in all of it.  I have to trust (and I do) that she is watching over me and she knows everything that is happening and that she is proud, but it’s still not the same as having her here to share, first hand, in my new life.

You see, I had gotten to such a miserable place in life and all she wanted for me was happiness.  She desperately wanted the weight loss for me.  Though she never badgered me about it, she was extremely concerned for my health, especially given the fact that I wasn’t even 40 years old yet.  I often wish that I had been able to find the strength to do something about it while she was still alive, but I know that she is happy knowing that I am in the process of taking care of it now.

Completing my college education was something else she really wanted to see me do.  She tried to tell me years ago, when I quit after 3 years, what a tremendous mistake I was making and like most twenty-somethings, I didn’t listen.  I know she was thrilled last summer when I graduated magna cum laude.  I can just hear her saying, “It’s about time!”

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Mom and Kassie in St. Augustine, FL. ca. 1978

Like any mom, she wanted to see her daughter end up with someone who was good to her and truly loved her.  It was extremely hard for her to watch my marriage as she knew that my tremendous weight gain was a way of dealing with extreme unhappiness.  I know she sees how good Michael is to me and that she is very pleased.  She sees how happy I am and how supportive he is of all of my endeavors and I can picture her smiling.  Michael’s mom passed a little less than two years before my mom and I have told him that I hope our mom’s know each other now and that they both see how happy we are and that it makes them happy.

I was very fortunate to be able to spend the last year of her life with her.  I wish it could have been more quality time for her as she was so very sick from the cancer and the treatments that she didn’t get to spend that year the way I know she would have wanted to.

I am blessed beyond measure to still have my dad here with me and he couldn’t be more supportive if he tried.  He also reminds me often of how proud my mom would be.  They both always supported me in everything I did and I know she is happy to see that he is still right there doing what they always did.

Seeing my mom pass away so young had a lot to do with my “wake-up call” to get busy doing something about my weight.  She was entirely too young and I knew that my health had gotten to such a terrible state that I was truly at risk of dying younger than she did.  Although I did not make a conscious “plan” to join Weight Watcher six months to the day after my mom died, I don’t think it was any “coincidence” that it worked out that way.

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I know that one day down the road, she and I will meet again and she will finally be able to share all of her thoughts with me about how my life turned out and I think she will be very happy.  In the meantime, not a day goes by that I don’t think about her and wish she was here.  Here memory is certainly part of my motivation to keep going, even on the days that it’s really hard.  You see, my mom was truly the toughest woman I have ever known and I know that if she was here, she would tell me on the hard days, “Yes, it’s hard but whining and complaining won’t make it any easier.  You just have to keep pushing!”  I’ll be thinking happy thoughts of her today as the last thing she would ever want would be for my dad and I to be sad on this day.  It’s a day to celebrate her life.

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Comments

  1. Kassie, this is beautiful.

  2. Laira Eshee says:

    I lost my Mom to cancer when she was 63 and I was 28. She had battled it for 23 years. It was an awful time, but God has used that experience to bring much good into my life. My relationship with Him deepened, I’ve been delivered from many unhealthy relationships, and much more. I know she is in heaven, healthy and happy. Tho I miss her very much, I am so glad she is not sick anymore. I’m sure your Mom is smiling down on your accomplishments, and she’s very proud of you. Also, she must be proud that you didn’t let her passing destroy you and make you bitter; instead, you let God use it to bring about good in your life. It does get better with time, but that amount of time is different for each person. Hang in there, girl and never give up!!

  3. Jean Bohanon says:

    Good job Kassie Love you

  4. A wonderful tribute to Sue! I love the picture of you both! She must be very happy indeed to follow you on your journey to success!

  5. What a sweet tribute to your mom. Sounds like she was a wise woman and I have no doubt she is still cheering you on. May you continue to find blessings because of her presence in your life.

  6. Danielle says:

    I know we haven’t talked in years, but I know your mother loved you very much! She would be very proud of you!!!

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